Thursday, July 9, 2009

Old blog redux: Internet Adventures

I used to do an awful lot of blogging. But those days are behind me.

Or are they??

The answer is yes.

But now and then I get the impulse to dredge up material from those archives, whose web facades and database machinery have long since deteriorated. I have done this a couple times already, but this is only the tip of the iceberg. It's sort of selfish of me to horde those articles, so I have resolved to slay the dragon in my bosom known as Avarice and release this treasure unto you all.

In this case, that treasure was plundered from several adventures I embarked upon through the world of dumb internet banner and popup ads.

The first was An Offer You Can't Refuse, first transcribed in the heady times of 2006.

The second, authored more than a year later, was Come With Me on a Magical Journey Through the Internet!

There's plenty of other stuff I will release later, in lieu of writing actual new content (GOD FORBID). But some of it is pretty exciting. Among the essays are excerpts in which I voice a strong desire to accost host of Food Network's Unwrapped, Marc Summers, with a bright red ping pong paddle. There are also numerous articles about Jimmy Buffet, and how he was almost my father, and how I hate him and his music and everything he stands for, but especially the stupid books he writes sometimes.

And a lot of other stuff. But those will wait for another day.

14 comments:

Oriol said...

those were amazing.
you should update your blog more often.

callmeemo said...

I haven't laughed that hard in awhile, especially at something so text-heavy. I hope the rest are just as great (as those breadsticks).

Adapt said...

Yes! Finally those old blog posts are released again. You should be sent to jail for hording them for so long hussie.

Vincent said...

I look forward to making the same responsive comments as I did the first time these writings were posted.

"The joke is he has no arms."

HA HA

Hannah said...

I am definitely anticipating more of these. Absolutely hilarious.

Jordash said...

those were certainly good days, sir.

there was period of time when checking TSO was an integral part of each morning for me

Perhaps you could get around to making some new Scriblettes, Blurbs, etc. on the side!
(I must admit, I've had a strange longing for Humanimals in recent days.)

Greycool said...

Whoa whoa whoa

Jimmy Buffet was almost your dad?

Andrew Hussie said...

Yes.

"I must admit, I've had a strange longing for Humanimals in recent days."

I was thinking of doing some more.

Oh god did I just say that out loud.

HolyDemonSnapdragon said...

Hiya Andrew. I'm pretty sure those time limits on the offers are fake - I watched one once, it didn't go away.

Also... They just say that to make it seem more important, when really every advertisement is the same - every advertisement will always be there - if it wasn't, the advertisers wouldn't get paid. Pretty much advertisers are lying - not telling the truth.

Andrew Hussie said...

What???

Oh my God, you're kidding me!

No wait... really?????

Evan said...

Mr. Snapdragon, do you honestly mean to imply that advertisements on the Internet are not honest and accurate representations of the goods offered? Preposterous! I'll have you know I have indeed been the recipient of multiple high value electronic devices at no cost to me by simply expressing my flatulatory superiority over a banana wielding ape! I have also obtained several intimate partners in my locale, whom I can assure you were all quite lascivious. However I will say no more of this, as I am a gentleman who does not brag about his coital conquests in such an open forum. I will however say that you, sir, are a vagabond and a liar! To make such claims without even an inkling of proof to support them? Treachery indeed, sir. Treachery.

Anonymous said...

Could you re-post the one on coulrophobia?

Anonymous said...

Please please please repost your tirade against dog reactions. or dogs on skateboards.

GuinnessWaller said...

Marc Summers is my least favorite person ever. The person living upstairs likes him however. There is a hole in the ceiling above my bed, and through that hole comes Marc Summers horrible voice all through the night.