Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The MS Paint Adventures Suggestion Box

Submit a comment to this post to make a suggestion for the latest
MSPA story.

You can also leave any other sort of comment about the site here. That's cool too.


Some notes:

- Keep it short! I tend to clip all suggestions to be about 60 characters or less.

- Maybe this is obvious, but only make suggestions for the latest point in the story! Posting the suggestion "shoot safe" when I am 800 pages past that point doesn't make the slightest bit of sense!


«Oldest   ‹Older   11401 – 11556 of 11556
Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

"What "TIERS" are these? As far as I can tell, this solution can account for all mass in the imaginary universe. Live PI comes from replicsimile. Dead pi comes from replicsimile. Total mass at any point is fixed. Universe will expand continuously due to buildup of past PIs. Expanding universe = expanding afterlife. As long as the universe keeps getting bigger, there's no problem. And we have no reason why the universe shouldn't grow indefinitely, as long as everything's accounted for."

It's rather annoying; you see, I have kind of a disconect somewhere between (RL) imagination and explanation. Here's what I've figured out so far:

See, the image in the Science FAQ that depicts the Mass of the Universe over Time.

You argue that your theory works: "As long as the universe keeps getting bigger, there's no problem."
(I almost posted this without seeing this vital bit of your argument. Close call.)

Total Matter over Time has an apparent parabolic curve, and from the way AH has phrased his explanation, each individual Part-Pickle exists for only a fraction of a second before dying and being replaced by the "next wave" of Part-Pickles. There is no "buildup of past..." well, Part-Pickles.

With me so far? Read it multiple times if you have to, check the Science FAQ, and if you're still confused, tell me what specifically it is you're confused about.

You said, specifically, "buildup of Past PIs". Now, the "teirs" of which I spoke refers to every single "row" of iPIs that has to split down into the final Part-Pickles that make up the whole of the Universe. Each of these iPIs, however, is, logically, made up of the Part-Pickles into which they divide.

The problem, then, is that there is not enough matter in the Universe to constitute all of those iPIs when they die and go to the afterlife.

In fact, there's even less matter existing at one instance of time than in the whole of the Universe, because the amount of matter decays back down to 1 after the midpoint of existence.

Guh. That was hard. I'm serious, here. Once again, refer back to the Science FAQ for more information. The "rows" I spoke of refers to the Graph of Matter.


Pff. NINJA. NINJA aren't hard to kill. Well, normal NINJA, anyway... but you can't IMAGINE how a NINJA could be that powerful.



Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

FAA: You have taken LUDICROUS DAMAGE from Magna's SUPER MEGA NINJA AGRESSION! Just about any AGRESSION more will directly expose your FRACTALINE PLOTHOLE ESSENCE to the massive amounts of SCIENCE RADIATION eminating from the SCIENCE FAQ! That would end your existence altogether!!! You'd better do something, quick!


FAA: Rotate EIGHT KEY-RING? 90 degrees.

Well, duh.
You equip the INFINITY KEY-RING to your WEAPON SLOT. You hold limitless power. The possibilities overwhelm you. You stroke the goatee which you have always had (and not like "pumpkin" always, either) thoughtfully.

The best way to test KEYS, if you're not sure which one works, is to try them all in succession.


nupanick said...

So you're assuming that the afterlife is part of the rest of the universe and follows the same laws. Thus, death is just a way of moving matter from one place to another. The only real problem then is this: matter is created with replicsimile such that iPIs appear at every time in history, in a density increasing in the middle. But when a PartPickle quark dies, does it go to the afterlife? If it does, then it continues to add to the total mass indefinitely, and the universe will never contract as AH says. And you can't argue with the Author because it's his Imaginary Universe! So if every iPI went to the afterlife, the afterlife would increase in size indefinitely. But we know that it eventually gets smaller, with the rest of the universe. Therefore...

iPIs must NOT be going to the afterlife!

This is as plausable as any of the earlier points and completely sidesteps the problem of what the iPIs in the afterlife are made of, because that assumed that all iPIs go to the afterlife.

but we've already established that splitting sends you to death!

Oh my. I have finally grasped the problem, haven't I? A contradiction. The universe gets smaller, but matter is always arriving and never leaving. How can this possibly be? Some large amount of matter must somehow be leaving the universe...

maybe the iPIs have an afterlife in an alternate universe, one that is constantly expanding? Way too convoluted and with no evidence whatsoever.

How could matter be escaping? Obviously some of those iPIs don't go to the afterlife or else the afterlife at the final hour of the universe would contain all the matter that had ever existed, and the universe would be larger than it began...

Yeah, okay, I see why this is a plothole. There's really no escaping that one...


You recall the BLACK HOLE incident where the ANGELS escaped via HAWKING RADIATION. You remember noticing that that's NOT HOW IT WORKS in real life. In real life, particle-antiparticle pairs are appearing and disappearing in the vacuum of space, and sometimes one gets sucked in. If the anti-particle gets sucked in, it cancels out its matching particle inside the singularity, while the original particle escapes without falling in. That is, the system has the same effect, but it relies on anti-particle annihilation.

If we had that in World 0 (MSPA canon)...

No, we already saw that a Part-Pickle - Anti-Part-Pickle collision sends them both to the afterlife...

Huh. By all accounts, the universe should be expanding. But AH assures us that it's not. So I guess that's the plot hole. I'll come back to this one later.

Nupanick arrives at the SCIENCE FAQ and looks around.

Damn, Magnacor hasn't added the TINY POKE-BALL KEYCHAIN to his CHAIN GUN! You were sure that would be an obvious one! Oh well. You equip the TINY POKEBALL KEYCHAIN yourself and add it to your JACK KNIFE KEYCHAIN. It's kinda crowded and not quite the right size, but it'll work. You take out the TINY PORTAL CALIBRATOR and adjust the TINY BLUE HERRING, linking it instead to this side of the LAPTOP SCREEN. To be totally clear, this means that anything that falls through the TINY BLUE HERRING poster will fall, at the same dimensions, from the sky above the SCIENCE FAQ. And anything thrown high enough to go through this side of the LAPTOP SCREEN will fall out of the TINY BLUE HERRING poster.

You roll up and keep the TINY BLUE HERRING in case you need something to fall out of the sky later.


You fire the second-story POOL KEY at FAA.

You wonder briefly who even has a pool on the second floor of a building. But that's not important.

Anonymous said...


Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

Really? A POOL KEY? Oh, this is just too awesome a chance to pass up. Heheheheheheh. Oh, silly Nupanick.



Your KEYTECH just keeps going! So far you've tried 19,827,602 KEYS; many of them were useless. Fortunately, INFINITY minus 19,827,602 is still pretty close to INFINITY. You try some out on NN, for good measure.

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

Oh, that's right. Your REGENERATIVE POWERS have gone on during your KEYTECH, just so noone is confused as to why the *next* attack (SPLASH doesn't count, :P) may or may not deplete the rest of your AREA and PERIMETER.

nupanick said...

Wait, the second level water gun was less powerful than the first level one? Magnacor used a water gun earlier to cool off the chrysalis, that's why I thought it might work. Oh well.

>NN: Try combining items or something.

You'd like to fix your SHRINK RAY, but it's missing parts and frankly you have no idea where to find LINEARLY EXTRUDED CARBON at this hour.

hint hint, Magnacor.

You're feeling particularly resourceful right now. You take the normal-sized TANNING SALON KEY from your normal-sized JACK KNIFE KEYCHAIN (not to be confused with the TINY TANNING SALON KEY on the TINY ETCH-A-SKETCH KEYCHAIN).

You shoot your TINY LEVEL 2 WATER GUN through the TINY BLUE HERRING. Just as the SPLASH falls between you and FAA, you fire a SOLARBEAM, covering FAA in a PRISMATIC RAINBOW of SHININESS.

Magnacor said...

"Damn, Magnacor hasn't added the TINY POKE-BALL KEYCHAIN to his CHAIN GUN! You were sure that would be an obvious one!"


You forgot that you were in the SCIENCE FAQ yourself and therefore completely ignored the POK├ęBALL KEYCHAIN. You now feel quite foolish. On the plus side, you now have some help in this battle which is good because the EYE CANCER METER that everyone seems to have completely forgotten about is on it's last 6 notches. Using your ETCH-A-SKETCH you calculate you can only attack two more times before you will have to exit the DEBATE and find other things to do.

MAGNA: Change weapons and AGGRESS the shit out of FAA, which you now decide is the acronym you're sticking with.

You unequip your PHOTO DARK ROOM KEY and chew the fat a bit. You've done quite a few elements already-- water, light, darkness, electricity...
You guess fire is slightly different from sunlight...

You equip your BOILER ROOM KEY in your weapon slot.

MAGNA: This hand of mine glows with an awesome power... It tells me to defeat you! Take this! My love, my anger, and all my sorrow! AGRESSING FINGER!!!!11!!1

Your AGRESSING FINGER hammers the trigger of your MAGMA CANNON excessively while you do an unnecessarily over-the-top Anime-style pose. The whole effect is quite epic.

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

"to cool off the chrysalis"
And do absolutely no damage in the process. So LEVEL 2 sprays more water, it's WATERGUN vs SUPERSOAKER. Neither are particularly painful.

I digress.

FAA: You are engulfed in a FIELD OF RAINBOW SHINYNESS! You can't see a thing!

Now you'll have to fire your INFINITY ARSENAL randomly, possibly causing severe structural damage to the SCIENCE FAQ!

Your KEYTECH is momentarily interrupted by a BLAZING STREAM OF MAGMA! CCJ, that hurts!


You take CRIPPLING DAMAGE and can no longer regenerate due to SEVERE MAGMA BURNS!

You won't survive another hit in this condition!!


Hastily you concoct a plan.

Strange noises can be heard from within FAA. His KEYTECH continues, albeit in a more chaotic manner.

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

"hint hint, Magnacor."

Actually, if memory serves, he figured it would be absolutely useless and left it lying arouWHY AM I HELPING YOU


vin-edgar said...

You tease!

Actually, wouldn't you be more of a tease if you didn't give us a date?

Well whatever. April 10th is going to be like new christmas.

Anonymous said...

GPI: Fondly regard Epilogue.

Descriptor said...

MSPA Readers: Creat several countdown clocks counting down to April 10th in preperation for new series.

Magnacor said...


"hint hint, Magnacor."

Actually, if memory serves, he figured it would be absolutely useless and left it lying arouWHY AM I HELPING YOU


MAGNA: Become perplexed.

You have no idea what in the imaginary universe he may be talking about (mostly do to your low INTELLIGENCE ATTRIBUTE), but you concede that it would be utterly useless to spend time trying to figure that out. You instead turn your attention to using your JACK KNIFE to unscrew the back of your TINY ETCH-A-SKETCH. You remove the TINY NUMERATOR FLUXOIDE used to power it and then fire your TAILOR SHOP KEY at it changing it into the regular NUMERATOR FLUXOIDE. You then decide that a SHRINK RAY probably has no value to anyone else and casually toss it aside.

MAGNA: Store NUMERATOR FLUXOIDE under your HAT that you assume you have since everyone else seems to.

Your useless NUMERATOR FLUXOIDE safely stored away, you leave the SCIENCE FAQ. Looking at that damn FRACTAL is really doing a number on your eyes. Even with your GLASSES equipped you don't think you will have enough protection to look at it much longer. You fumble about the SUGGESTION BOX and look for some other way to help out in the battle.

It's pretty quiet in here. Without people posting SUGGESTIONS and everyone else at the SCIENCE FAQ, you actually feel quite safe here compared to the mayhem you've been involved in lately. You IMAGINE that a guy could really do some quality IMAGINING in this IMAGINATION-packed SUGGESTION BOX. You take a hit from your GREENHOUSE KEY and start IMAGINING...

You are one of the top weasel-trainers in the Canadian Circus League. Solicitations for your services are adequate in quantity. Compensation, numerous. It is a ostrich winter morning. You are feeling particularly high tonight. What will you do?

MAGNA: Quickly retrieve arms from safe.

Since you clearly lack any arms whatsoever, you search the confines of your safe which is obviously unlocked. After pushing aside your collection of HUNK RUMP WEEKLY magazines and removing your various ANIMAL PELTS, you find what you were looking for. You reach over and grab your TRANSPHOMETER.


There's no such thing as an "ARM SLOT," d-bag! You throw the piece of crap out the WINDOW and then throw your hat out the window along with it, just to establish how disgusted you are.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Hey, so I just thought of something which I haven't seen posted here yet.

In the page where the sleuths are back in the office building about to open the exit door, HD and NB are not present. Now, one might say they could just be around the door corner first, because of CHIVALRY, or you could say AH was making it intentionally ambiguous so that the reader could insert whatever ending they wished.

But then, something occurred to me.

HD and NB are PS and PI's imaginary doubles.

The bodies of characters from the imaginary universe cannot be sustained for long on the material plane.

I posit that HD and NB are now skeletons in puddles of their own melted organs, directly inside one of the office windows.

Anonymous said...

I'll kick off the suggestions for the next one:

??:Quickly retrieve arms from nearby object

or if protagonist clearly has arms:


Anonymous said...

The 10th?! Best birthday present ever!

Mikker said...

"But then, something occurred to me.

HD and NB are PS and PI's imaginary doubles.

The bodies of characters from the imaginary universe cannot be sustained for long on the material plane.

I posit that HD and NB are now skeletons in puddles of their own melted organs, directly inside one of the office windows."

Nope, that's not the case. The map of all locations seen so far clearly shows that whore island is an actual location. Also, the three windows there are imaginary-real world windows. The brothel is also physically connected with the legitimate establishment. Also, the three bedrooms that the female counterparts starts in is located in MK's office, which is in the real world. So NB and HD have been through the real world (and starts in it!) for quite some time.

It did get me thinking, though. The whores, and later NB and HD, used the flyver to get from whore island to the offices. How is that even possible? The only exit is locked, and if it was possible to get to the offices from that way, it would mean the party goes through the exit only to leave again. Gee, I guess nobody ever thought of turning around and seeing the OTHER exit down into the street level that the party CLEARLY uses when they first enter the IMAGINARY realm via forts.

Mikker said...

Oh, and the current AD is the 'female' counterpart, and if he didn't melt, NB and HD wouldn't have, either.

Anonymous said...

Racist Whore: Flip the fuck out

Anonymous said...

I think it's perfectly reasonable to say the part-pickles just aren't going to the afterlife. Remember, GPI caused the TEMPORAL REPLICSIMLIE AD INFINITUM to happen. He is the god of that universe, maybe he just decided they wouldn't.

Magnacor said...

"It did get me thinking, though. The whores, and later NB and HD, used the flyver to get from whore island to the offices. How is that even possible? The only exit is locked, and if it was possible to get to the offices from that way, it would mean the party goes through the exit only to leave again. Gee, I guess nobody ever thought of turning around and seeing the OTHER exit down into the street level that the party CLEARLY uses when they first enter the IMAGINARY realm via forts."

Yeah NB, HD, and the whores are all from the brothel which is really the dollhouse, which is really in MK's room which is in the real world. Ergo, the inside of the SLEAZY BROTHEL IN THE SKY is real, though the outside is not. So whatever the reasons are for NB and HD staying with the whores, it has nothing to do with melted organs and the such. Likely it is because they are not the three main characters and nothing more complex then that.

Though I feel I should point out that there are numerous ways of going from the imaginary universe to the offices via flivver. I've thought of a few of them:

Flying up to any of the WINDOWS and going through said WINDOWS
Taking a route through the CHICAGO OVERCOAT assuming the remains still give you access to what's below deck
Heading through the brothel
Going through the MANHOLE assuming it's turned on

And probably a few more that I neglected to mention that will be pointed out by someone else in a matter of hours.

So out of all of my suggestions, the only one that could have been used to escape their offices was the windows and that would likely only result in PS breaking his legs.

You mentioned that the door was unlocked in the Imaginary Universe, which is true, but it IS the Imaginary Universe. In the offices in the Real World, the door was locked, but in the Imaginary Universe it was unlocked. Of course you can't access the Imaginary Kingpin Tower unless you're in your fort so we didn't see too much of them.

Not The Author said...

While that's not quite what I meant by "Problem Sleuth Silent Movie", it's still quite epic.

Also, what's up with ANGRY WHORE?

Wait, wasn't I just having an epic battle over the WHOLE OF CAUSALITY a moment ago? After being swallowed by a FRACTAL?

Did everyone lose interest?
Actually, even I've kinda lost interest in that by now.

Still, a Plothole is a problem...

Anonymous said...

Wow, those candles sure aren't giving off much light.

Anonymous said...

Pose for a game over photo because this epilogue just got real, dawg.

Not The Author said...

"Magnacor said...

Flying up to any of the WINDOWS and going through said WINDOWS"

Actually, all the WINDOWS were destroyed, I'm pretty sure.

There's HBP being sad, and AD's FIRE EXIT is clearly in the same room, and of course the Jawbreaker Bomb.

So, no window route.

Andrew Hussie said...

"Wow, those candles sure aren't giving off much light."

They're obviously painted on the wall.

Or at least, now they are.

"By the way, AH; are you going to add the epilogue to the map?"


Anonymous said...

ANDREW: Finish bard quest

Magnacor said...

"Not The Author said...

While that's not quite what I meant by "Problem Sleuth Silent Movie", it's still quite epic.

Also, what's up with ANGRY WHORE?"

Obviously she is very aggrieved with the whore in front of her wearing FAD's original hat that he ended up tossing away when he decided that all of the ethnic shit was getting a little silly. Needless to say, wearing such a hat would obscure the view of any movie goer with a low HEIGHT ATTRIBUTE. Ergo, it seems logical that the ANGRY WHORE is rather distressed over not being able to see the adventures of the brave CAPTAIN SNOOP over the incredibly large ETHNIC HAT.

Tib said...

You know, I'm surprised that out of all the times Death cried, no one thought to gather his tears. If Elf Tears do awesome things, imagine what his do!

Mikker said...

Tib: I've suggested that PS collects Death's tears several times - as a requirement for using sepulchritude. So yeah, it has been suggested, AH just never used it.

SonicLover said...

Wait. Wasn't the FAN CORD running through the projector and the mouse hole before? Where did it go?

Then again, since the picture's at full size, someone must have widened the upper valve at the GUTTERPIPE PROJECTS. And who knows what would've happened if that had been done while the FAN CORD was running through it...

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

"Actually, even I've kinda lost interest in that by now."

Oh, wait, OH, the HAT! No, yeah, I'm good for a while longer.

NTA's ENNUI has reduced significantly!

FAA: Wonder where the window goes.

You briefly wonder about where the window leads, then wonder why you wondered that, because it clearly has no relevance to anything at all. You're not even sure what window you were wondering about.

The FIELD OF RAINBOW SHININESS is dissipating! You can see somewhat better now. Looks like someone left...

Of course, you're almost dead by now, so you'd better make this last AGRESSION count! You end your KEYTECH, and carefully begin seperating the USELESS KEYS from the DAMAGING KEYS.

the entire population of africa said...



Anonymous said...

Screw bard quest! None of the jokes in it were remotely funny, and the multi-choice format was terrible. Finish jailbreak, if you must, but really, I look forward to something new.

Magnacor said...

"the entire population of africa said...



Meh. Jail Break was great, but Bard Quest ended up being too much of a hassle to keep with, with bridging plotlines and stuff. Bard Quest fell hard pretty quickly. I wouldn't mind revamping JB, but I say we let sleeping dogs lie as far as Bard Quest goes. But really, I'd prefer a new game all together.

And didn't Andrew mention something about tying up both of their plotlines before continuing with the new one? That would probably be best.
MAGNA: Pose on your own, because SHIT JUST GOT SOLITARY!

You wonder where the fuck everyone went for a few days while you sat by yourself in your META-IMAGINARY OFFICE. Fortunately, the time has given you plenty of time to do a bunch of CRAZY PUZZLE SHIT and escape your office.

MAGNA: Enter NUNPANICK's OFFICE search room.

You enter the office next door and cast about your ogle. It looks like someone has been gone for a while. At least two or three days. You wonder where they could be. You do however, find a DIVUNER sitting on their desk. It seems off that they wouldn't have taken it with them. There is a good chance that they are missing their DIVUNER so you plug in their window and throw the DIVUNER through it, in case of the off-chance they are actual right out the window.

Anonymous said...

put a horses head into the horses bed as a warning to follow your orders

Eric said...

You used the Sirrus picture from Myst? Nice!

nupanick said...

"Magnacor said... plug in [nupanick's] window and throw the DIVUNER through it, in case of the off-chance they are actual right out the window."

Due to nupanick's recalibration of portals earlier, the TINY DIVUNER appears on the LAPTOP which is sitting on the floor a few feet from the window in the meta-imaginary office.

Nupanick's meta-imaginary security system goes off. This is where the fancy equipment is kept, and it's dangerous to mess with it. A pre-recorded voice says "Magnacor, if that's you, please leave the way you came in and try not to blow up my office. There's some important stuff in here that I don't want to break. Thanks."

>NN: return from unannounced vacation.

You read through the suggestion box RSS to see what you missed. Hmm. That's plausible enough:

"Anonymous said...
I think it's perfectly reasonable to say the part-pickles just aren't going to the afterlife. Remember, GPI caused the TEMPORAL REPLICSIMLIE AD INFINITUM to happen. He is the god of that universe, maybe he just decided they wouldn't."

You return to the SCIENCE FAQ and examine the battle. Magnacor seems to have left without picking up the LINEARLY EXTRUDED CARBON which is plainly in sight and which you made clear you needed. Oh well.

You remove the ammo from the MECHANICAL PENCIL and insert it into your POKE-BALL KEYCHAIN, thus completing the SHRINK RAY.

You notice that FAA has actually taken damage, but is about to attempt a final attack. You steal the PLAUSABLE ARGUMENT from the ANONYMOUS POSTER and load it into your SHIELD SLOT.

>Poke-ball keychain, GO!

You open the POKE-BALL and the FULL-SIZED PORTAL GUN appears! You fire a portal in the sky right above FAA and use your calibrator to link it to the TINY BLUE HERRING POSTER you are still carrying. You capture the PORTAL GUN in the POKEBALL for safe-keeping.

Darren said...

PS: Request that Andrew Hussie hurries the fuck up with the next exciting adventure by enticing him with fan mail... etched on three-dozen cases of Tommy Gun bullets.

Magnacor said...

MAGNA: Stop what you are doing and listen to the PRE-RECORDED MESSAGE

Nupanick's meta-imaginary security system goes off. This is where the fancy equipment is kept, and it's dangerous to mess with it. A pre-recorded voice says "Magnacor, if that's you, please leave the way you came in and try not to blow up my office. There's some important stuff in here that I don't want to break. Thanks."

MAGNA: Unequip your MILITARY ARMORY KEY which you were about to use to blow up the office

You thought that it would be a funny prank to use your ROCKET LAUNCHER to destroy his office, but now it seems a little harsh. Perhaps something less destructive?

MAGNA: Go on to try to give NN's computer a virus.

Knowing first-hand the effects of Hunk Rump on one's system (in more ways than one) you decide it would be fun to try to give NN's computer a virus by searching on the dangerously sketchy HUNK RUMP WEBSITE. But before you do you notice something on the keyboard. It appears to be the DIVUNER, albeit a much smaller version of it. You don't know why the heck it's here, but you throw it out the WINDOW again for good measures.

Nunpanick's computer has been slain!

PRE-RECORDED VOICE: "Magnacor, I told you not to mess with my stuff! *sigh* I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised considering you have never listened to me before. Well if I were you, I'd get out of here, because this computer will self-destruct in ten...nine..."

MAGNA: Unplug WINDOW in NN's office and add it to inventory

PRV: ...four... three...

MAGNA: Jump through WINDOW in your own office

PRV: one.

NN's office has been blown up!

Anonymous said...

Epilogue-> Next

JamesSleuth said...

FFPI: Combat operandi -> Tie up all loose story threads, even those other ones and listen to some Grateful Dead at reasonable volume so your parents don't get mad.

nupanick said...

You threw it through the window AGAIN? Making a TINY TINY DIVUNER? What the hell did you intend to DO with that thing?!?

I suppose I should be greatful that you didn't throw the LAPTOP out of the window. That would have made professor bee very, very sad.


You were seriously hoping Magnacor would do something useful. This appears to have failed to happen. FAA has also not fired a counter-argument, so your PLAUSABLE ARGUMENT DEFENSE is still full. You see the LAPTOP screen vanish. Magnacor must have blown it up. Sigh. You still have one portal over FAA and its matching POSTER in your inventory. Magnacor has the RED HERRING LIGHTBOX but you have no clue what he plans to do with it since it is not matched to a portal now and is pretty useless.

nupanick said...

Also, How did Magnacor get into my office, seeing how it has no door and the window was not connected?

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

"Anonymous said...

I think it's perfectly reasonable to say the part-pickles just aren't going to the afterlife. Remember, GPI caused the TEMPORAL REPLICSIMLIE AD INFINITUM to happen. He is the god of that universe, maybe he just decided they wouldn't."

This is a shockingly valid point! You're not entirely certain where to go with this.

Well, there is that argument...

But using that would make things even more convoluted and possibly kill you by accident. Or worse...

However, you decide to go with a more likely explanation.

The only times GPI acted were out of necessity:

When the Universe was torn in half,
When the Universe potentially wouldn't have existed at all.

I somehow doubt GPI would pay enough attention to the Universe to solve this problem himself.

Although, given how he made the Whole Of Existence (that's Space and Time), it'll probably work itself out in the end... somehow.

And I'll try to get this across once more: I'm NOT concerned with the Part-Pickles themselves.

The Part-Pickles, as I use the term, mean the Electrons, Neutrinos, and Quarks that make up the Universe.

It is these guys I'm worried about. There simply isn't enough Matter "Alive" in the Universe to equal the Matter that "Dies" to create it.

THAT is the Plothole.

You attempt to ARGUE down Nupanick's PLAUSABLE ARGUMENT! You're not entirely certain it's working, though.

Fortunately, the FIELD OF RAINBOW SHININESS vanished, coinciding with your realization that it'll take too long to sort through an INFINITE NUMBER OF KEYS for you to be able to do anything.

So, you shuffle all the keys back together, and prepare your final KEYTECH.

This last KEYTECH will obliterate just about anything and everything in it's path, so if you can do anything to keep that from happening, or at least find a way to avoid it, it'd probably be a good idea.


Not The Author said...

Oh, about today's comic.

If this place is real (imaginary?), then it's likely that these ones are as well.

Juan Carlos said...

Awww common we all know that this going to end like this:

Problem Sleuth The End....

Would you like to save your game (odd because this is a password sava system game)

Game Saved

New Game+ Option available in main screen

nupanick said...

>NN: Use your MacGuiver-like resourcefulness to block the attack somehow!

There is SCIENCE to be done. You have a neat GUN. And you're definitely STILL ALIVE.

You grab the WALLS OF TEXT scattered about the FAQ. Most have been broken in half by the PLOT HOLE or FAAs attacks, but there's a number of large chunks left. You create a small crate out of them and shoot a PORTAL on the inside walls, connecting opposite sides and creating a clever LOOP BOX.

Any beam-like attack fired into this will fly through the portals and eventually escape the way it came, so it makes a powerful bounce-back shield. You can do one better, though. You link the bottom side of the LOOP BOX to the SKY PORTAL with the TINY KEYCHAIN BOTTLE OPENER. (the TINY BLUE HERRING POSTER is no longer linked to anything). You clip the LOOP BOX to your POKEBALL KEYCHAIN. Finally, your creation complete, you run underneath FAA (holding your still-intact PLAUSABLE ARGUMENT as a shield) and release the LOOP BOX from its POKEBALL. The GIANT LOOP BOX appears from underneath FAA, creating a complete PORTAL CUBICLE around FAA.

It's like standing between two mirrors in here. Almost fractal-like, but this is of course a deception because the PORTAL CUBICLE has a clearly defined and non-infinite area.

You'd REALLY like to see FAA try to launch an attack now. Of course, such a convoluted defense may have a weakness (not likely) but just in case, you enlarge the PLAUSIBLE ARGUMENT and stand behind it. You enlarge your TINY KEYCHAIN PERISCOPE to full size so as to see out over the wall. You also take a moment to enlarge the TINY BLUE HERRING POSTER to normal size, then link it to the RED HERRING LIGHTBOX which Magnacor is now carrying and which was thankfully not blown up with the LAPTOP, the DIVUNER, and your USEFUL HAT COLLECTION.

You're a little pissed at Magnacor, but he did manage to give you the inspiration for the PRISMATIC RAINBOW OF SHININESS and the CHAIN GUN, so you suppose you wont hold the destruction of all your well-managed EQUIPMENT against him.

...Damn, you left your DIVUNER on your desk, didn't you? Magnacor probably blew that up too.

>MAGNA: return to Imaginity.
>NN: Pick up another rock.
>FAA: use a ridiculously powerful attack despite being trapped in a CUBICLE.
>MIKKER: Solve the plothole and leave everyone else feeling dumb.

tinydestroyer said...

re:angry whore, she's obviously pissed that she can't see SOUL PLANE due to the ginormous sombrero blocking her view.

Anonymous said...

I think that is Spulchritulypus (the name was supossed to parady OLYMPUS) where great champions of great pulchritude relax.

Vince Sixx said...

Put arms on table.

Anonymous said...

use elfen powers to lure the kids into the house.

Magnacor said...


So many failings...
So many missed clues...
So many pumpkins...

Wait so many PUMPKINS?

MAGNA: Look around

You look at your surroundings. You expected the WINDOW in your office would take you back to the SCIENCE FAQ or else the SUGGESTION BOX. But what is THIS place?

You read the sign that may or may not have been directly behind you for all eternity.

"Hello Magnacor! Welcome to the CALIGINOUS VOID. Here you will find a myriad of objects that do not exist. PUMPKINS, KEYS, and OFFICES are are main provisions though you may find much, much more. I do hope you enjoy your stay. Feel free to ask me any questions you may or may not have."

MAGNA: Ask SIGN how you get out of here.

What SIGN?

MAGNA: Take NUMERATOR FLUXOIDE and TRANSPHOMETER which have been sitting on the table in front of you for quite some time.

What table?

MAGNA: Right. Well go explore NN's OFFICE that has always been right by you.

You enter the room through the door that may or may not have already existed. It looks vaguely familiar to you, but you can't figure out why. Oh well it's probably nothing...

MAGNA: Remove TINY TINY DIVUNER from LAPTOP and add it to inventory.

What laptop? You add the TINY TINY DIVUNER to your inventory, but you can't find this "LAPTOP." You proceed on exiting the office.

MAGNA: Consult SIGN for answers

SIGN: Well Magnacor, when the LAPTOP went critical, it didn't actual explode. What happened was, the PORTAL NAVIGATION SYSTEM became corrupted and caused everything in 50 foot radius to no longer exist by sending it through a giant PORTAL.

MAGNA: "I need to get back to the battle. How do I leave?"

SIGN: Just go through the WINDOW you brought with you.

MAGNA: Go through WINDOW


Your GREENHOUSE KEY is out of MARIJUANA! You awaken from your previous state in the SCIENCE FAQ!

You look up at a charming fellow holding a lovely poster. You have a feeling he has been growing impatient for your arrival.

Magnacor said...

MAGNA: Wonder what the fuck happened to your link.

Anonymous said...

MSPA readers: Boil AH alive if ending isn't as stellar as the rest of the series.

AH: Grin and say there is no way you could be any more hard boiled.

nupanick said...

Nupanick nods and rolls up the BLUE HERRING POSTER, and invites Magnacor to fondly regard the GIANT PORTAL CUBICLE where FAA was standing earlier. This should buy us some time, but you REALLY hope Magnacor knows how to use that DIVUNER, since it's one of the few things in your office that you didn't build yourself. At least it was, until your whole office was disconnected from imaginarity.

You get the feeling this POSTER is very important now.

Andrej Walilko said...

GPI: fondly regard creation

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...


You would, but suddenly falling in an infinite loop through a FLOOR PORTAL back through a CEILING PORTAL generally tends to distract people from what they were doing.

You could be falling for a while.

You take this time to reflect.

"nupanick said...

Also, How did Magnacor get into my office, seeing how it has no door and the window was not connected?"

Well, obviously.

Well, that was entirely unhelpful. It's not like you can smash through the walls.

...Not from this side, at least...

Hastily you locate your INNOCUOUS KEYCARD.


Well, that's incredibly ominous.

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

This could be a problem.

nupanick said...

>NN: Just put portals on the outside of the box, too!

You strongly suspect that that warning noise means a nuclear missile has been launched to destroy your ingenious PORTAL CUBICLE. The obvious course of action is to double-up the portals to make the missiles go through the box, almost as if it didn't exist. But not really, because it's still there, just blocked off from this part of reality by a shimmering portal matrix... thing.

You enlarge the PORTAL GUN to the proper size to shoot five GIANT PORTALS on the OUTSIDE of the CUBICLE.

Your ELEVATOR KEY is out of ammo!

Drat, you could really use just one more portal to re-direct the missiles which you are sure are coming soon.

You zap the BLUE HERRING POSTER with your SHRINK RAY KEYCHAIN and turn it into the GIANT BLUE HERRING POSTER, so that it can fit on one side of the box. You put it on the side facing the incoming missiles and stand behind your shield with one hand on the TINY KEYCHAIN BOTTLE OPENER. All you need to do now is link the GIANT BLUE HERRING POSTER to the inside of the PORTAL CUBICLE right before impact.

You ready an action. As soon as you see missiles approaching, you're flipping that switch and sending them FAA-ward!

This is getting out of hand. You seriously hope Magnacor has some clue what the DIVUNER does, because you sure don't.

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...








You thought I would be stupid enough to actually land NUCLEAR MISSLES right on top of myself?


Unlike some people who will go unnamed, I think ahead, use my knowedge, and do research.

I have in fact played the game Portal, and if there's one thing about Portals, it's that they must remain on a stationary surface or they will automatically disappate.

Let's not get into a "But the Earth rotates!" argument right now.

Heavy seismic waves shake the SCIENCE FAQ. The SHODDILY RECONSTRUCTED ARGUMENTS fall apart, causing all the PORTALS attached to the PORTAL CUBICLE to deactivate.

Now, then.

What were you doing?
Oh, yes, that was it.




...Oh. You seem to have lost your INFINITY ARSENAL somewhere in the rubble! Also, you're kind of dazed from hitting the ground at TERMINAL VELOCITY. This could take a bit.

You can't feel your arms!

nupanick said...

Except for the GIANT BLUE HERRING POSTER, of course. That remains where is is and is still linked to the RED HERRING LIGHTBOX in that weird meta-meta-imaginary space.

Magnacor said...


MAGNA: Come out from under DESK made out of FORTS

You were quick-witted enough to plan ahead for this massive explosion and build a DESK to shelter you and NN. It's a good thing that BERT THE TURTLE taught you how to DUCK AND COVER!

Well a nuclear strike didn't kill him so you look towards your now much-less-useless MILITARY-GRADE MULTI-PURPOSE PLASMA EMITTER seeing as how you now how all of the parts.


You replace the INCREDIBLY COMPLEX parts with relative ease. You're still missing one piece though. What was it? Oh that's right!

MAGNA: Unequip METAL PLATING from SHIELD SLOT and start screwing it back into place

This may take a while...

nupanick said...

"Magnacor said...
...This may take a while..."

>NN: Throw down your hat in disgust.
You don't remember if you ever did get around to making a hat for yourself. You pick up a FLAT ROCK, then throw it down in disgust and stamp it into the ground. You then set your SHRINK RAY in reverse and fire it at Magnacor's TINY ETCH-A-SKETCH to turn it into the ETCH-A-SKETCH. You take your own ETCH-A-SKETCH out as well. You set them both into SCREWDRIVER mode and hand Magnacor's back to him with a sarcastic look.

You begin putting in screws with one hand on each knob and request Magnacor do the same. Seriously, do I have to solve everything for you? pick up the ROCK again and stash it in your INVENTORY next to the aptly named STOPPICKINGUPTHE ROCKS.

Magnacor said...

MAGNA: Screw faster!

You haven't screwed something this hard and fast in a long time!

Unfortunately these, are the OVERLY LONG SCREW that take quite a while to screw in. You predict to be done by nightfall.

nupanick said...

>NN: Throw down another rock in disgust, I guess.

You throw one STOPPICKINGUPTHE ROCK to your feet in disgust. You take the ammo-less curling iron, rip the tape off of the battery compartment, pick up your rock, and slap the tape over the metal plate. Can we do something useful now?

Ooh, there's a SHINY ROCK! You add it to your collection.

nupanick said...

Wait, Magnacor's JACK KNIFE won't work anyway since he took parts out of it to fix the PLASMA CANNON.

You offer Magnacor the AMMO from the REMOTE CONTROL, since you haven't had a chance to use it anyway.

Selorm said...

Pick up the gun with your mouth.

nupanick said...

Remembering your rock collection and Magnacor's intelligence, you remind him that the PLASMA RIFLE and the PLASMA CANNON probably use similar ammunitions. Which is why you suggested he take both the REMOTE CONTROL and the MECHANICAL PENCIL. Since you used the MECHANICAL PENCIL's AMMO to fix the SHRINK RAY.

Actually, you can probably just take the rest of the LINEARLY EXTRUDED CARBON out of the POKEBALL and use it to power the PLASMA CANNON.

We've moved so many parts around I'm surprised we don't have a screw left over...

Oh, wait.

Nupanick picks up the four fallen TINY SCREWS from the CURLING IRON's battery compartment and stashes them in his INVENTORY.

You again wonder where the RED HERRING LIGHTBOX has gotten too, but decide it doesn't really matter now that FAA is on his last health bar (and has been for quite some time now).

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

"nupanick said...

Except for the GIANT BLUE HERRING POSTER, of course."

I did say attached to the PORTAL CUBICLE, not linked to the PORTAL CUBICLE.
Actually, how does a PORTAL GUN have...
Eh, nevermind.

" that FAA is on his last health bar."

Technically, there's only been the one. I just have a rediculously high, forever increasing, regenerative ARMOR stat.

Or would, but for these MAGMA BURNS.

[You wonder why you haven't thought to use the HOSPITAL KEY to cure your MAGMA BURNS before now.]


You can't! You lost your INFINITY KEYRING, remember?

You still can't feel your arms.

Retrieve arms from beneath RUBBLE.

Oh, there they are. Now, then, your KEYS...


Oh, yeah.

FAA: Retrieve INFINITY KEYRING from underneath RUBBLE.

You wonder how you completely failed to see your INFINITY ARSENAL underneath the rubble before. I mean, it's not what you'd call small.
Or easily lost.

It's a stockpile of just about every weapon in existence, after all.


Magnacor said...

MAGNA: Charge your laser!

You begin the CHARGING SEQUENCE for your laser. God these stall tactics are really dragging this out. Maybe you should watch the VERY EXCITING VIDEO to pass the time.

Magnacor said...

MAGNA: FAIL faster

Your second failed attempt at linking something has you feeling a bit like a loser. Next time for sure...

nupanick said...

Nupanick's high RESOURCEFULNESS attribute is tempered only by his increasingly low PATIENCE. He begins trying to think of a clever way to charge that laser faster before FAA gets one more shot in. Perhaps the speed of light has something to do with it? Nah, let's not go down that road.

You look for the GIANT BLUE HERRING POSTER but it seems the force of the crumbling walls has caused it to land face down. With your other portals deactivated, your ELEVATOR KEY is working again. You creat a portal on the ETCH-A-SKETCH screen and link it to the GIANT BLUE HERRING POSTER. You see a solid wall inside.

Suddenly you realize that your ETCH-A-SKETCH is much smaller than the GIANT BLUE HERRING POSTER. You reach into the screen and a giant finger protrudes from the POSTER. A good flick could flip over the poster. Or curl it up.

Nupanick gets another MAD GRIN but decides not to leave it as a cliffhanger because Magnacor would probably miss the point.

You reach out of the POSTER with your hand at giant scale and low resolution. You have created the ETCH-A-SKETCH MASTERHAND.

The poster curls around your MASTERHAND, completely blocking you from doing anything useful. You try to move around on your fingertips, but suddenly the familiarity of the situation occurs to you.

You hastily pull your hand out.

Anonymous said...

It was a little long. The 2nd dectctive did a lot of the same stuff the first one did, so that part was a little boring. It was a little funny, but not worth the wait.

Anonymous said...

Actualy say your opinions about the cartoon, or suggestions for the person who made it. Don't quote it! We all know what happened, because we watched it!

Klaro said...

Wait, Didn't ZAD and FAD get eaten by AD? Why are they still walking around in the Epiloque?

Magnacor said...

I suppose it is entirely possible that they went to an afterlife of some kind, yet to be seen, and escaped shortly thereafter. Though that is by no means a concrete explanation-- only a possible one.



Andrew Hussie said...

Maybe they went to the afterlife, and then granted safe haven by the demigoddess for their acts of valor?

I don't know if there is a concrete answer though. Some of these epilogue elements are really just there to make you ask these sorts of questions and wonder what happened in the interim.

Barrett Andersen said...

I just finished reading the entire story, GREAT stuff. ^_^

The final scene should be PS in his office, and he answers the phone, gets a case, then he and AD and PI walk out of the office and into the city to solve another epic case.

Mikker said...

Whoa, the last thing you want your co-worker to think when he stumbles upon your dead body is "Wow, that guy's head sure looks like a salted melon!".

Mikker said...

...especially if he's a zombie.

Not The Author said...

Hey, they're heroes, right?

And they Died, right?

And there's a GODDESS.


And you're suggesting they may be in an "AFTERLIFE of some kind".

There IS only one kind of AFTERLIFE this could be.

...Although it doesn't explain why HONEYBEE PROFESSOR is there.


Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

"Magnacor said...

Your second failed attempt at linking something has you feeling a bit like a loser."

See, this is why there's a [PREVIEW] button. FYI.

FAA: Use your ULTIMATE ATTACK already!


You take careful aim at Magna and NN, and fire the full force of your INFINITY ARSENAL.

You hope they don't somehow escape through a contrived, implausible, and fully rediculous method.

Magnacor said...


You fire your MILITARY-GRADE MULTI-PURPOSE PLASMA EMITTER at approximately the same time as NTA which will undoubtedly result in an epic collision. You patiently wait to find out what happens next...

Barrett Andersen said...

Holy crap.

BA: Construct Candy Fort.

You assemble the JAWBREAKER DOME, made of the most durable sugary substances you can salvage.

You take refuge inside it to hide from the fan-fueled onslaught.

nupanick said...

Nupanick ducks behind his UNDISPUTED ARGUMENT, which can only broken with a really good COUNTER ARGUMENT, and starts devising a contrived scheme to deal another blow to FAA.


You link the ETCH-A-SKETCH to the RED HERRING LIGHTBOX, then ENLARGE the ETCH-A-SKETCH to climb inside. You enter the CALIGNOUS VOID to retrieve some of the weapons you may or may not have ever finished building.


It appears most of your cool ideas aren't here right now, and probably never will be. You do manage to find your KEYCHAIN GRAVITY GUN, which you bring with you back to the battle. You shrink the ETCH-A-SKETCH to normal size and stick one hand through while you use the other to shoot the GIANT BLUE HERRING POSTER with the LAUNCH KEY.

You now have a properly levitating MASTER HAND, which you use to start throwing your large collection of BOULDERS at FAA, aiming for the INFINITY KEYRING.

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

Ya know, it's kinda hard to concentrate whilst being pelted with STOPCHUCKINGTHE BOULDERS.

The BALANCE OF POWER has shifted ONE SLOT towards you!


Very, incredibly carefully, you remove a BASEBALL STADIUM KEY from the INFINITY KEYRING, causing Magna to gain a few more FEET.

You eqiup the CATCHER'S MITT to your SHIELD SLOT and begin hurling the BOULDERS directly at NN!

Catch this.

Barrett Andersen said...

One-handed beam-firing? Who are you, Gohan? (SHOT)

Just ignore me. I'm just an innocent bystander. =P

Anonymous said...

Wow, Death finally got someone to stay dead. Hooray!

Epilogue: Show what happened to our intrepid, hard boiled heroes!

Barrett Andersen said...

I approve of Death's little dance. XD


BA waits patiently inside the JAWBREAKER DOME until the epic battle between FAA, NN, and MAGMA ends.

Anonymous said...

Sat through the whole epic migraine and still loved it :)

gelatinous said...

Order Flothers to intimidate the wizard into summoning a swamp dragon for you to slay.

Anonymous said...

Devil: Begin prodding MK,and DHMK with TRIDENT.

Anonymous said...

Death: push DHMK and MK into hell.

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

Oh, wait. He's hiding behind an UNDISPUTED ARGUMENT. Well, that won't do at all!

...But there's only one way you can think to COUNTER his ARGUMENT.
And you'd rather not...
Not just yet, anyway.

You wonder why no one ever thought to do this next bit whilst firing GIANT CONTINUOUS BEAMS OF DESTRUCTION at each other.

FAA: Dodge sideways, spinning in a 360 degree arc.


DON'T FORGET to aim back at Magnacor afterwards!

Whew, that was close.
You dodge out of the path of the BEAM OF CONCENTRATED PLASMA, spinning in a circle as you do so.

MHNN is caught in your ARSENAL ONSLAUGHT!

Blue Herring Poster Master Hand Nupanick has been slain.

Magna has probably picked up on what you're doing by now, so you aim back at him.

You return the CATCHER'S MITT to your INFINITY ARSENAL for good measure.
The BALANCE OF POWER has reset!


...This could take a while.

nupanick said...

Ahh! You've lost a hand to that twist move! And the beams are still locked!

This looks like a time to use the PRE-CARVED CAST-IRON SCHEMA PUMPKIN which is sitting on top of your ETCH-A-SKETCH and probably has been for quite some time.

You become considerably stretchier and more durable. You gain a HOOK HAND to cover your FLESH WOUND and equip a PIRATE RAPIER as your weapon. Plus your CAST-IRON SCHEMA PUMPKIN is immune to rotting, which is why you designed it in the first place.

You equip the UNDISPUTED ARGUMENT as your SHIELD and prepare your PARRY in case it is shattered.

Unfortunately you're still not sure how this helps Magnacor but at least you're not quite so useless in battle.

Fa0lan said...

BARD: With preternatural pulchritude, inquire upon the swamp wizards sexual preferences/deviances

Anonymous said...

MK: Pull Death's door open.

Anonymous said...

shoot yourself in an artery

Magnacor said...

"BA waits patiently inside the JAWBREAKER DOME until the epic battle between FAA, NN, and MAGMA ends."

You don't know who this Barret guys is, but he spelled your name wrong and that's a high insult from where you come from. You make him an UNPLEASANT NOTE in retaliation.

...MAGMA? It's MAGNA! With an 'N!' GPI, is it THAT hard?

Meanwhile in the battle...

MAGNA: Fiddle with the controls of your MILITARY-GRADE PLASMA EMITTER.

You turn up the POWER LEVEL of your MGPE increasing it to 3964. You also take a moment to point out that this is not going to turn into a Dragonball Z reference. 'Over 9000' has been done many times over. You won't partake in the spreading of it. Nevertheless, your power boost gains you a little ground.


Anonymous said...

Wait a minute. The DOORS of Death and Life were on DMK's HAT. But if the HAT went through the HAM NEEDLE, and the DOORS were still on top, the wedged instrument would be split in half/pushed away!

Anonymous said...

Four heroes: Burn MK's body

Barrett Andersen said...


BA reads the UNPLEASANT SPELLING NOTE left inside his JAWBREAKER FORT'S mailbox. He seems perturbed at the unintentional mistake and proceeds to send an APOLOGETIC NOTE on the back of the previous note. Don't want to waste paper, after all.

"I do not wish to arouse your ire, but you should be aware I mispelt your name absentmindedly, that is, without intention. I deeply apologize and will make sure not to do it again in the future."

BA puts the note back in the mailbox before retreating to the safety of the fort.

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

Well, technically, a number of KEYS of quantity INFINITY is more than a number of KEYS said to total 9 multiplied by 10 to the 3rd power, but I'll let it slide this time.

You realize that an INFINITE number of KEYS, each firing at less than MAXIMUM POWER, is less than MAXIMUM INFINITY.

The above statement has never not made sense, and probably never won't.

Of course, manually altering each individual KEY would take a lot of FILLER.

Delay, or not delay? That is the-
Who am I kidding.

One elaborate -CUT SCENE- later...

The BALANCE OF POWER shifts considerably!


Also, what happenned to always using FAA as the abbreviation?
For shame, Magna.
For shame.



...Wait, wait, wait. MAXIMUM INFINITE POWER still isn't enough?!

This is...

This is...

Magnacor said...

NN's LAPTOP: You've got mail!

NN shows MAGNA an e-mail he just recieved. He uses his MOUSE HAND to navigate to the message and open it.

"I do not wish to arouse your ire, but you should be aware I mispelt your name absentmindedly, that is, without intention. I deeply apologize and will make sure not to do it again in the future."

MAGNA: Flip the fuck out!

First he misspells your name and THEN he misspells 'misspelled?' Not only did he make the amateurish mistake of adding a 't' in place of an 'ed,' but he only added one 's.' You only had one piece of paper so you can't write him an UNPLEASANT NOTE, but you glare at the message with disdain in hopes that he feels your waves of disgust through the internet.


FAA: Look confused as to why MAGNA is till winning the battle

MAGNA: Explain

Sensing FAA's (or NTA's depending on whether or not he still exists) confusion, you tell him that while his INFINITY ARSENAL might have every KEY in the universe operating at MAXIMUM INFINITY POWER, but you (meaning MAGNA) are not using a KEY. You inform FAA that you are actually using a much more powerful LASER POINT PEN which has MAXIMUM INFINITY AND ONE POWER. He will have to increase his power past MAXIMUM INFINITY if he hopes to beat you.

nupanick said...

>NN: Use your cool stuff to help MAGNA.

You realize that that PLASMA CANNON would probably do more damage if it was bigger. But no PULL-TAFFY PIRATE would be caught alive using a POKEBALL in battle!

However, that fractal-like infinity attack seems to be confirming the nature of fractals here: finite area. An infinite number of weapons deal an insanely large, yet finite, amount of damage.

Nupanick considers proving this via OVEN LOGIC but realizes that that would defeat the point of carrying a logic SHIELD.

So, how else to help? Ooh, that's it!

Using your PIRATE HOARDING INSTINCT you search through the rubble and find a GIANT FLAT ROCK, probably broken off of one of the STOPCHUCKINGTHE BOULDERS.

While you're at it, you may as well pick up some more STOPPICKINGUPTHE ROCKS and that weird shiny crystal thing sitting in a pile of dust.

You've got a giant, flat, non-metallic surface. Now you just need some portals. I guess if it's not directly aggressive you may as well use your ELEVATOR KEY. You prop the GIANT FLAT ROCK up against the JAWBREAKER DOME using your PIRATE STRENGTH and attempt to think with portals like a pirate.

This is proving rather difficult.

You, um, fire the doubles? Launch the holey blotches? Is there even a word for what you're about to do?

Aw, screw this. You continue with your original, contrived, portal-based battle tactic. You put two portals side-by-side on the GIANT FLAT ROCK and make sure they point towards FAA. Just in case.

Then you go find MAGNA's old broken ETCH-A-SKETCH. He took the STYLUS out of it, but it still has a cool SCREEN. You create a second ETCH-A-SKETCH portal, and link the two ETCH-A-SKETCH SCREENS to the GIANT FLAT ROCK portals. You grab the ROLL OF TAPE which has been in plain view this entire time and tape the ETCH-A-SKETCHES together, back-to-back, creating a largish DOUBLE PORTAL, both sides of which are connected to the GIANT FLAT ROCK PORTALS pointing at FAA.

You think that everyone should have a good idea what you plan to do now, but you don't fully trust MAGNA to figure it out yet, so you implement for your totally original battle technique on your own.

With your low PIRATE SELF-PRESERVATION, you climb to a pile of rubble almost directly below the POINT OF BEAM COLLISION and hold your DUAL-SCREEN PORTAL high in one hand.

You levitate it with your GRAVITY GUN with the other hand.

And redirect BOTH LASERS at FAA.

Magna, you brought this one on yourself:

With PIRATE WIT, you quip:


Barrett Andersen said...


BA feels waves of disgust wash over his person. The feeling is mildly discomforting.

OOC: Seriously, chillax, dude.

Nick said...

Stop using this place as a forum

nupanick said...

As a result of PORTAL PIRATE NUPANICK's handiwork, the resulting lazer collision looks somewhat like this:
FAA O========== MAGNA + FAA

This is more than just INFINITY PLUS ONE we're talking about here. This is ALEPH NULL TIMES TWO! The force of however much damage FAA's attack does PLUS however much MAGNA's attack does, COMBINED AND ENLARGED.

... "ye mateys?"

You take the opportunity to knock politely on the door of the JAWBREAKER DOME and ask BA if he would like to help form an impromptu caucus.

Magnacor said...

MAGNA: Use BATCAVE KEY to escape SUPERINIFINITE BLAST before you are destroyed superinfinite (minus one) times over

You grapple onto MAILBOX in front of the JAWBREAKER DOME with your GRAPPLING HOOK and pull yourself out of the seat of the MGPE and to safety. You then fire waves of gratitude through NN's LAPTOP in hopes that whoever lives in this fortress is on the internet so he can feel exactly how thankful you are for him having a mailbox.

You only hope that Nunpanick can escape FAA's blast too. You never even got a chance to POSE AS A TEAM with him...

Magnacor said...

"Nick said...

Stop using this place as a forum"

...We don't have anywhere else to go....

You now can clearly see that Nunpanick is right by the JAWBREAKER DOME with you. Maybe it's because you only have 1 bar left in your EYE CANCER METER. You should probably see an OPTOMETRIST sometime soon.

nupanick said...


Superinfinity beats any multiple of ALEPH-NULL anyday.



It's a small difference, relatively speaking, but I think we beat you with the redirect maneuver.

You also point out that, since you are NOT firing head-on at the beam, it's not really SI=====O==I, but more like

FAA O ======== I+I+1

Well, now that you've compounded it, it's

FAA O ======== SI+I+1

In case it wasn't ENTIRELY CLEAR where I'm redirecting from, it's NOT right next to where MAGNA's firing from.

nupanick said...

Nupanick watches MAGNA duck out of the way of the SUPERINFINITE BEAM which is obviously being redirected through the ETCH-A-SKETCH, through the GIANT FLAT ROCK PORTALS leaned against the JAWBREAKER DOME, and being blasted at FAA from the side.

Nupanick shrugs and ducks out of the way with him, shifting his EYEPATCH to protect his LEFT EYE from the META-FRACTAL PARADOX.

This is happening so fast now, you're not sure if it all makes sense, but you think ducking might be a good idea. You shield Magnacor behind your UNDISPUTED ARGUMENT, again with your PARRY ready in case of a surprise disproof.

nupanick said...

Also, "Nunpanick?" Maybe you're not in the right position to be correcting other people's spelling.

>MAGNACOR: Explode and become LAUACOR.

Barrett Andersen said...

BA becomes perturbed at the commotion outside and goes to investigate. BA is in shock over the battle that has become way too close to his cozy little abode to be comfortable. BA's DISTRESS meter goes up.

Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

Were you not paying attention?

...Oh, wait, it's Nupanick we're talking about.

Firstly, what amounts to clones doesn't actually increase the POWER of the BEAM itself, but rather creates MULTIPLE BEAMS firing from all different angles.

Secondly, why do you think I would keep firing into a PORTAL which is so obviously redirecting my own beam back at me?

The answer is of course that a SUGGESTIONS BOX isn't automatically accompanied by PICTURES.

Thanks for the clarification and all, but I'm gonna hafta saaaaaaaaaaaaay...


There is no "Dual Beam Redirect" because (since your plan was so incredibly obvious from the beginning) I clearly turned to force back the beams coming at me... changing the path of my BEAM such that it was no longer being REDIRECTED.

Viewed in this new light, there's absolutely no reason I should have used the OLD GOLDEN KEY.

But because you weren't entirely clear the first time, there's now a rather large number of angry, insulted FAAs trying to kill you before you reach the sanctuary of the JAWBREAKER DOME.


Barrett Andersen said...

BA: Ourburst Tech: WTF, MAN?!


BA sternly demands to know the reason why all these people are fighting outside this once-peaceful fort!

Anonymous said...


Br'er Steve said...

Google Earth: Zoom in a little further

ZeeDiKay said...

Everyone: Pose as a group because shit just got finished!

Anonymous said...

Godhead PI: Fondly regard Chicago

Anonymous said...


nupanick said...

>NN: Flip the fuck out!

This is RETCON and I will not stand for it! Even Magnacor should have been able to figure out that since the JAWBREAKER DOME was specificaly placed out of the way from the battle, the GIANT FLAT STONE leaning against it should not be pointing into FAA's beam attack! So you messed with time to create clones who fired in all directions, that I'll accept, and one of those beams happened to cancel out the one coming through the GIANT FLAT ROCK portals, so of course you are no longer being fired at, and the situation is unchanged, but you don't have to go and pretend you saw it coming retroactively, because if you had you would have lost concentration while redirecting your beam and been hit by Magnacor's blast in the first place!

So, all things accounted for, Magnacor and I are standing outside the JAWBREAKER DOME, I'm shielding us with the UNDISPUTED ARGUMENT, and you're firing in all directions.

Although, since a wormhole with infinite area would suck in the whole universe (which has not happened), it must have had finite area, so it could only copy you a limited number of times before you and all your copies couldn't fit through the wormhole to return to the present once more.

So there's an extremely large BUT NOT INFINITE number of beams firing in all directions, meaning that this "superinfinity" you speak of is not really relevant.

Also, what laptop?

BA has entered the battle! You offer him one of two options:
1) Return into his fort, where he will be granted DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY to our attacks.
2) Join the battle, POST AS A TEAM, and help defeat the anti-author once and for all.

While BA decides, you launch your ATTACK OF COINCIDENTAL CONVENIENCE:
Due to FAA's use of a time paradox, the entire IMAGINARY WEBSITE UNIVERSE will collapse upon itself if FAA is not defeated by APRIL 10, 2009 at which point a totally new MS PAINT ADVENTURE is scheduled to start.

Magnacor said...

"Anonymous said...

Wait a minute. The DOORS of Death and Life were on DMK's HAT. But if the HAT went through the HAM NEEDLE, and the DOORS were still on top, the wedged instrument would be split in half/pushed away!"


Fractalescent Anti-Author said...

Well, since you're almost out of time, low on health, those losers are still hiding behind that ARGUMENT, and the METAVERSE will collapse in upon itself soon, anyway...

You suppose you have no other choice.

...You're still not really sure what this'll do, though...

"nupanick said...

"Anonymous said...

I think it's perfectly reasonable to say the part-pickles just aren't going to the afterlife. Remember, GPI caused the TEMPORAL REPLICSIMLIE AD INFINITUM to happen. He is the god of that universe, maybe he just decided they wouldn't." "

This is the Plausible Argument.

And it IS Plausible. It "works" in that there it cannot be proven OR disproven.

As I stated before, GPI doesn't really take interest in thing that aren't imminent threats to the Whole of Creation.


There is... another... point which I wish to bring up.

It is this.

Specifically, the phrase:
"It seems all the imaginary Pickle Inspectors have finally caught up with each other in the afterlife."

"Caught up".

What I am suggesting is that...
Oh boy...
Is that all of a Replicsimilie's parts must die for them to all end up in the Afterlife at the same time.

This... gets... weird.

Because the Whole of Creation is made of Part-Pickles, the Whole of Creation will have to end before any of these fellows can end up in the Afterlife, which they will all do simultaneously.


The Afterlife is part of the Whole of Creation. It, too, will need to have ceased to exist... before The Part-Pickles can go to it.

Therefore, the Part-Pickles will still go to the Afterlife, just after the end of time...
When the Afterlife no longer exists...

It's incredibly confusing.

Nupanick's UNDISPUTED ARGUMENT is... uh, disputed?

You probably accidentally strengthened it somehow. Great.

Mikker said...

AH: Look up.

Magnacor said...

"Mikker said...

AH: Look up."

You look up and see a CANDY MECHA SATELLITE observing you. You toy with the idea of stripping down and doing a silly dance for its amusement, but decide better of it. Instead, you go back inside and finish PROBLEM SLEUTH.

"Therefore, the Part-Pickles will still go to the Afterlife, just after the end of time...
When the Afterlife no longer exists...

It's incredibly confusing."


COLONEL ROY CAMPBELL: Snake! What have you done!? You've... created a time paradox!
You aren't sure if anyone here is a fan of METAL GEAR SOLID but you make your reference nonetheless out of pure fanboyism.

MAGNA: Use SHIELD BOOSTER to increase strength of NN's SHIELD

You're going to need it to be as strong as possible to win this DEBATE especially considering you can't AGGRESS FAA until after you see an OPTOMETRIST.

Now, before we all came to an agreement that the moment where the four PI's used TEMPORAL REPLICSIMILE AD INFINITUM was the exact center of the timeline, meaning the moment with the most matter. This is because that with every action there is to be an equal and opposite reaction. This would mean that the PI's must be placed an equal distance (in time) apart from the moment they used TEMPORAL REPLICSIMILE. If that happened, then the first time they used TEMPORAL REPLICSIMILE AD INFINITUM would be the center of time.
Now if most of the matter in the universe existed at this exact moment, then that would mean that the largest amount of PI's slain by the effects of TEMPORAL REPLICSIMILE would exist at this point in time as well. But wait! If more PI's have to die at this precise moment in order to keep up the effects of TEMPORAL REPLICSIMILE, then technically more would exist in the afterlife after this moment which would mean that this is not the centerpiece of time and there never will be because the universe is constantly increasing in matter. But AH already said that was not the case so where do you go from here? I think that the only explanation is that matter simply disappears. Much like how HIGGS BONEHEAD simply dissipated into nothing (, matter must be disappearing for AH's law to be proved correct. Not dying. Disappearing. Perhaps they're going to the CALLIGINOUS VOID where things that may or may not exist end up.
This would explain how the PI's could hypothetically die without going to the afterlife.


Barrett Andersen said...

BA considers NN's offer...And concludes that if this three-sided battle continues, further damage will be caused on an unimaginable scale. BA decides to aid NN on his endeavor!


You equip the CELL PHONE which isn't a cellphone at all but an ASCII CROSSBOW. But it's also a CELL PHONE.

Barrett Andersen said...

Supplemental: NN, do you have MSN or something compatible with it? We can use that to chat more easily.

nupanick said...

>Nupanick: test the vaildity of your shield.

It seems that the counter-argument failed miserably, as the iPIs in that scene had been together for a while and were "catching up" by talking about what was happening outside the afterlife. Sharing stories, if you will. So this point completely fails to address your POINT.

However, you bring up an interesting point that may have actually STRENGTHENED the argument!

"GPI doesn't really take interest in thing that aren't imminent threats to the Whole of Creation."

if all the iPIs went to the afterlife, even the matter-accumulation-process TIERS, then the universe would become so massive that it would collapse upon itself, and everyone would be powerless to stop it. This counts as imminent because GPI sees everything (as I assume will soon be demonstrated as his OGLE zooms in on reality, possibly on AH's house). DMK was not an imminent threat because GPI in his infinite wisdom knew that, given a fighting chance, PS and the others would defeat him.

But nobody but GPI has any power over what happens to the part-pickles now, so when they were created they must have been given the instructions and ability to split without sending copies to the afterlife. This is plausible, possible, and in fact completely consistent with the data thus far.

FAA has just aided your argument! You remember he once took an opportunity to attack while his argument sunk into your impatient mind. This seems like sufficient justification for dramatic irony on your part. Now for a suitably visible object to use as a final weapon...

Oh yeah, your HAT COLLECTION! Magnacor destroyed it, but you can probably still salvage something from the CALIGNOUS VOID! You reach for your etch-a-sketch...

...oh. Right.

Nupanick scratches his head in confusion. OW!

You had completely forgotten about the HOOK that you replaced your HAND with! You load the shiny crystals you picked up earlier into your CANON-CANNON and invite MAGNA and BA to stand alongside you and fire simultaniously.

You PARRY the failed DISPUTE and add your pirate QUIP for a DAMAGE MULTIPLIER:


The resulting DRAMATIC IRONY, CONFUSICATION, and WEAPON POWER are totalled and multiplied by the QUIP MODIFIER for a total of UNDEFINED AWESOMENESS, which is more than enough to counter any number of INFINITY KEYRINGS.

Anonymous said...

Eat the piece of paper.

Not The Author said...

*Continued From Magnacor's Post*


Wait, wait, wait.


How the hell did I miss that?!

Though your facts are slightly off, your point is more valid than you may realize...

I stated as one of my MAIN POINTS for the existence of a PLOTHOLE that for the MASS OF THE UNIVERSE OVER TIME chart to be accurate, that "incoming" PART-PICKLES would need to die almost instantly upon "arriving" and be replaced by other "incoming" PART-PICKLES of the same type.

Thus, as TIME goes towards the MIDDLE, PART-PICKLES are "arriving" from both the PAST and FUTURE, whereas when time approaches the ENDS, PART-PICKLES can only "arrive" from one direction.

I had believed that this could not be so, because all those PART-PICKLES would have to die and end up in the AFTERLIFE...

However, there's a bit of information that I totally missed. You actually got it wrong when you said

"Much like how HIGGS BONEHEAD simply dissipated into nothing..."

The BONEHEAD didn't dissappear.

"He dissipates into a soup of constituent PART-PICKLES..."

"...which then dissipate into nothing."

That's right. Matter has been confirmed to be vanishing, quote, into nothing all along, making the whole basis of my argument null and void.

Now that we've got a How, we just need a Why.

*Continued From Nupanick's Post*

I totally didn't think of the whole UNIVERSE-collapses-in-upon-itself-because-it-contains-more-MASS-than-it-ever-had-in-the-first-place scenario.

Which is kinda ironic,
viewed from the right perspective.

So there's the Why.



There has never been any inconsistency in how the UNIVERSE is run, and probably never will be.

You politely ask Magnacor to give you your MECHANICAL PENCIL back, although you don't recall giving it to him.

You wonder what the fuck happened to the SCIENCE FAQ while you were...

Hm. What were you doing all this time?

A quick question said...

Andrew: Explain why one afterlife is snuffed out and one is not.

Magnacor said...

MAGNA: Status report plzzzzz????
NN's SHIELD increases in strength by drawing power directly from FAA
BARRETT ANDERSON joins the battle!
NN scratches his head for MINIMAL DAMAGE!

"You politely ask Magnacor to give you your MECHANICAL PENCIL back, although you don't recall giving it to him."

You thank NTA for letting you borrow his MILITARY GRADE PLASMA EMITTER and return it.

"Mikker: Offer D.I.C. CABLE NEWS business card:

Daily International Cable

The best news on the market,
if you're in the market for DIC.


MAGNA: Consider advice.

After the last few weeks of endless DEBATING you might want to settle down for a simpler life. Starting your own CABLE NEWS STATION might not be a bad idea. Especially if they have free MEDICAL INSURANCE since you really need to get your eyes checked.

Not The Author said...

"A quick question said...

Andrew: Explain why one afterlife is snuffed out and one is not."

Because DEATH'S OFFICE can't exist in two places at once.

See, there's only one DOOR TO DEATH, but two FLOWERS. The one that held DEATH'S OFFICE was sucked into a BLACK HOLE.

The other one...

Actually, I've always wondered if there's any point for GPI's LOWER SELF to exist, other than "it looks neat".

nupanick said...


Nick Smalley said...

AH: Stop zooming into your house!

Jason Hales said...

Andrew Hussie: Hide from the eyes of GPI

nupanick said...

So, I guess that's over. I didn't even have to blow up the universe to finish before the new comic started!

Hmm. I'm still wondering about the Higgs though, would it really matter if--

EVERYONE ELSE covers Nupanick's mouth, except for Magnacor who settles for hitting him in the back of the head. Don't you DARE start that shit again.

...but seriously, that was fun.
BA, it's

P.S. Ahh, the power of previewing! I just got NTA's finishing argument. Of course the Part-pickles dissipate into nothing! Nice catch!

Anonymous said...

GPI: Fondle Regard Demonic Creations

Anonymous said...

After AD gets eaten by the monster at the end, you could make PS "Kick down walls of fort." Then, "Turn on window." Then, "Climb out of window and kill monster"

Magnacor said...

Well that was fun. It was a good diversion to entertain us until the next MSPA, to say the least.
*goes to optometrist with new medical plan*

Anonymous said...

GPI: Fondly Regard Andrew Hussie
AH: Fondly Regard GPI.

nupanick said...

AH: Screw with everyone by changing your mind at the last moment and zooming in on someone ELSE's house.

Anonymous said...

GPI: Fondly disregard creation. This one just got boring...create a new universe in which the DMK battle is even more arduous.

Anonymous said...

BUSTS-R-US:Deliver a new Bust

Goatmon said...

GHPI: Fondle Reth'gar's Culination

mordicai said...

Go to 12th floor & say hello to ME! Because I work in yonder flat building.

Not The Author said...

Who thought it would be a good idea to build a bridge that tall? Who was in charge of that decision?

Because, and correct me if I'm wrong, I'm fairly sure that bridges can be a bit unstable at times, and building one where there's always heavy winds (i.e. at high altitudes) just kinda seems like a...
Whassa word...

Bad idea.

Br'er Steve said...

> PS: Show megaton key your love

ZeeDiKay said...

Comic: Continue exploring the multiple landmarks pasted together in this city.

Andrew Hussie said...

Nice discussion guys!

Perhaps you'd like to take it to the new suggestion box?

Anonymous said...


KT said...


PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE make an incredible design and sell it on a hoodie so I can BUY THE SHIT OUT OF IT. I NEED COOL HOODIES BRO!

«Oldest ‹Older   11401 – 11556 of 11556   Newer› Newest»